Trauma Bonding and its effect on an individual's mental health and wellbeing.

What is Trauma Bonding?

Relational trauma is the connection a victim has in their relationship with their abuser, especially patterns of abuse.

True trauma bonds are created through a cycle of abuse and positive reinforcement. After each abuse incident, the abuser expresses his love and regret and tries to make the victim feel safe and feel that he needs a relationship.

Traumatic relationships are one reason why leaving a bad situation can be confusing and difficult. This includes making the abuser feel good and/or loving, making the victim feel dependent on the abuser.

Signs and Symptoms-

Since not all abuse leads to an affair, you may not be sure if this term applies to you. 

*The victim covers up the abuser's behavior or makes excuses for others.

*The victim lies about the abuse to friends or family members.

*The victim feels uncomfortable or may abandon the bad situation.

*The victim believes the abuse is their fault.

*The abuser promises to change but does not.

*The abuser's control over the victim (e.g. control or suffocation).

*The abuser isolates the victim from friends and family.

The 7 Stages of trauma bonding 

*Love bombing

*Gaining trust

*Criticism

*Manipulation

*Resignation

*Distress

*Repetition

*Love bombing- 

Love bombing is when someone overwhelms you with great displays of affection. Maybe they send you beautiful flowers every day for a week or tell you they love you at the beginning of your relationship.

*Gaining Trust-

An abuser may perform specific actions in order to be considered trustworthy. If you doubt their trustworthiness, they may become offended that you would doubt them in the first place.

*Criticism-

Abusers often criticize their victims and make them blame themselves. In many cases, victims begin to believe that they deserve blame even though they have done nothing wrong.

*Manipulation-

Abusers defend their actions by controlling their victims. When victims try to speak out against unfair treatment, abusers will silence them by saying, "That's what you though" or "You're lying." They may convince their victims that abuse is normal and there is nothing wrong with it.

*Resignation-

Often referred to as the fawn's response to trauma, victims often succumb to abusive behavior after many periods of abuse. They act according to the abuser's needs. The light brown answer is often called a people pleaser. But still, solving problems is a method of survival.

*Distress-

Victims experience emotional distress due to abuse, unfortunately during this time they may feel depressed, feel lost, withdraw from people and activities, and even develop suicidal thoughts.

*Repetition-

Unfortunately, the cycle of abuse is characterized by constant repetition. Following abuse, the abuser often restarts the relationship by loving, seeing, and gaining trust with the victim. Things seem to be returning to "normal" until another abuse case comes to light.

What Causes It?

No matter how long or short an abusive scenario lasts, trauma bonding can still happen.

That being said, the likelihood of it occurring is most when the abuser actively shows their affection for the victim and then pretends that nothing will happen to them after each instance of abuse. The trauma bond, or the abused person's belief that the abuser isn't always evil, is the result of abuse combined with positive reinforcement.

Trauma bonding can happen in a variety of harmful contexts, and emotional ties are frequent in abusive environments.


Because trauma bonds are the product of our brains searching for ways to survive, they are nothing to be embarrassed of. This phenomenon, which is also known as paradoxical attachment, can arise from a wide range of circumstances. The most popular ones are as follows:

*Abuse in the home
*Kidnapping for Incest
*Cults that abuse sexually
*Maltreatment of the elderly
*Trafficking in persons

It could be hard to comprehend how someone in one of the aforementioned horrific situations could feel love, reliance, or concern for the person or individuals assaulting them. It's really simple, even though you might not understand it if you've never experienced cyclical abuse yourself.

The innate human desire for attachment to survive gives rise to the bond. An abuse victim may then start to rely on their abuser. When you combine this with a cycle in which the abuser makes repeated vows to stop abusing the victim and wins their trust, you get a complex emotional condition that even appears to influence very strong emotional individuals.

Risk Factors for Trauma Bonding

The following may make someone more susceptible to trauma bonding in abusive relationships-

*Attachment insecurity

*Childhood maltreatment

*Exposure to abusive relationships growing up

*Lack of social support

*Low self-esteem

Impact_

The biggest and worst effect of trauma bonding is that it might encourage an abuser to continue their abusive behavior because of the good sensations they have generated. At best, that might result in more abuse, and at worst, death.

Someone with trauma bonded to them may suffer from low self-esteem to ongoing trauma after being removed from the abuser. According to one study, the effects on one's sense of self-worth persisted for up to six months following the abuser's separation.

Depression and anxiety are more side effects of trauma bonding that may occur. An intergenerational cycle of abuse may also be more likely to occur when trauma bonding occurs.

Conflicting emotions like as panic, relief, gratitude, humiliation, love, self-blame, anxiety, and fear toward the abuser may be experienced by the victim of the abuse. They may make repeated attempts to win over or placate the abuser because they frequently feel accountable for the emotions of the one causing them harm, according to Kwong. This increases the difficulty of severing the relationship.

How to break the bond ?

Your top goal right now is probably to break free from the trauma bond if you were in an abusive scenario that caused you to experience trauma bonding. This will allow you to move past the abusive circumstance and recognize it for what it was.

You may already have completed the first step, or you may not need to perform it if you have already left the situation. Beyond that, anyone who has experienced abuse in a trauma-bonded relationship can benefit greatly from the subsequent steps.

Naming the trauma is the first step toward healing from bonding trauma. You are making a courageous first step toward your recovery and independence by admitting its existence and being willing to end the pattern, according to Kwong.

Plan your safety.

Make a Safety Plan
Once you have developed a safety plan, you should leave the abusive situation if you are currently in it. This entails having a support system and a safe place to go. It's not something you have to figure out on your own. Numerous hotlines are available to assist you and provide round-the-clock phone or online counseling. Two such resources are the Childhelp National Child Abuse Hotline and the National Domestic Violence Support Hotline.

Naming the trauma is the first step toward healing from bonding trauma. You are making a courageous first step toward your recovery and independence by admitting its existence and being willing to end the pattern, according to Kwong.

Therapy

Therapy is a fantastic resource for assisting individuals in overcoming trauma. It can not only support you while you process the complicated and challenging feelings you're going through after leaving an abusive situation, but it can also give you the ability to make new decisions going forward.

In order to avoid being in an abusive environment again, it can also assist you in recognizing the warning signs of abuse. While there are many various kinds of therapy available, trauma therapy is consistently the treatment of choice for those who have suffered trauma, such as abuse.

Positive self-care and talk

Abuse scenarios can have a major negative effect on your self-esteem. A person's self-esteem is severely damaged by being spoken down to, coerced into becoming dependant on, or even just experiencing abuse.9 You can utilize helpful techniques to sever your attachment from your abuser(s) by being polite to yourself and trying to convince yourself that the violent circumstance wasn't your fault.

Making it a point to take care of yourself by practicing self-care will also help you heal. It can be reaffirmed that you don't require the approval of another person to feel good about yourself if you place yourself in circumstances where your activities are the cause of your happiness. The more you remind yourself that you are independent through.

Support and Peer groups. 

Therapy is an essential part of the healing process, but it may not be sufficient in your case if you are experiencing trauma bonding. Speaking with people who have experienced something similar in these circumstances can be quite beneficial. It might lessen your feelings of isolation and humiliation over being assaulted.

If you don't feel comfortable talking to others in a support group, think about talking to your close friends and family members and those you have a great deal of trust in. The more often you hear that you have nothing to be ashamed of, the more likely you are to believe it.

Trauma bonding can happen to anyone in abusive cycles and is a normal human emotional response, not a sign of weakness. Sharing your personal experience.

Keep in mind -

Trauma bonding is possible if you have ever been in any kind of abusive environment. There's no need to feel guilty or ashamed about this. It's a normal reaction to trauma, and you can get support for it.
You may come to understand that you are not at fault for your attachment to your abuser and that you are capable of healing from it by discussing your trauma bond with a mental health professional, a support group, or even close family members.